Luxurious Misery

Hangover Cures

2007-12-29T11:41:00.000-08:00

Absinthe is again available in the United States (our long national nightmare is over), so severe drunks with epic hangovers can now make a proper Sea Captain’s Special. This drink was invented by Seattle bartender Harry Porter. The following recipe is from David Wondrich:

In an Old-Fashioned glass, place a sugar cube (or 1/2 teaspoon loose sugar). Wet this down with 2 or 3 dashes of Angostura bitters and a short splash of water or club soda and crush the sugar with a muddler or whatever's handy. Rotate the glass so that sugar grains and bitters give it a lining. Add a large ice cube. Pour in 2 1/2 ounces rye (or bourbon) and top off with brut champagne and 2 dashes absinthe. (If you lack this ingredient, you may use one of the substitutes available -- Absente, Herbsaint, Pernod, etc. -- but since they contain no wormwood, this step will be, let's say, homeopathic.)

Happy New Year.

"I have had occasion, I fancy, to speak before now of these pick-me-ups of Jeeves's and their effect on a fellow who is hanging to life by a thread on the morning after. What they consist of, I couldn't tell you. He says some kind of sauce, the yolk of a raw egg and a dash of red pepper, but nothing will convince me that the thing doesn't go much deeper than that. Be that as it may, however, the results of swallowing one are amazing."

- Right Ho, Jeeves.

$1,000,000 Remote Viewing Challenge

2007-06-18T22:25:00.000-07:00

A prize of $1,000,000¹ will be awarded to any remote viewer able to identify the curio which sits on the left corner of the shelf above my desk. Place descriptions in comments.

¹The existence of the $1,000,000 prize can be verified by remote viewing my bank account.

For a limited time only

2007-05-28T23:10:00.000-07:00

Click on the sponsor links at right, and you could win¹ free airline tickets to exotic vacation destinations like Tokyo, Bangkok, Las Vegas, Djibouti, Prague, and of course Tiraspol; places where people can still enjoy cigarettes, famous brand silk ties, Gin Rickeys², fine dining, adult escorts, animal stacking (or “Tieraufstapelung”), and mixed martial arts.

¹Though I doubt it.

²If you’re going to insist on drinking gin then make it Boodles. Why not have a beer instead? Hoegaarden Belgian White Ale is an ideal beer for summer quaffing.

Smoking saves lives

2007-04-18T20:27:00.000-07:00

By taking a cigarette break a woman avoids being killed by a tree. Unlike secondhand smoke, which no one has ever died from, one can find reports of trees killing people every day. It's sad.

Good fun and good for you

2007-04-09T22:48:00.000-07:00

To the list of smoking’s many benefits, which include great taste, a soothing effect on the nerves, heightened mental acuity, to name just a few, can now be added the discovery smokers are at lower risk of getting Parkinson’s disease. At this point there really is no longer any excuse for not enjoying an occasional cigarette.

Never do what your told

2007-03-30T00:06:00.000-07:00

A new study suggests smokers are less docile than non-smokers. Arguably the anti-smoking crusade is merely the leading edge of other forms of totalitarianism. Smokers as a group are independent thinkers who resist conformity, and therefore must be crushed first.

Instead of obeying every chance you get, why not roll a cigarette? All the Peter Stokkebye Blends are highly recommended, and have a drink too. Dewars rocks, perhaps with a bit of Drambuie in it (that's a Rusty Nail), goes great with cigarettes made from fine tobaccos. Enjoy.

The company you keep

2006-12-25T19:43:00.000-08:00

The Taliban has come out against smoking.

Smoking bans are anti-civilization, as a great American reminds us:

Oldest Smokers

2006-11-19T21:12:00.000-08:00

"Gregorio Fuentes, who skippered Ernest Hemingway's fabled fishing boat, the Pilar, for more than 20 years and is said to have been the writer's inspiration for the embattled fisherman in "The Old Man and the Sea," has died. He was 104. Fuentes died of cancer Sunday at his home in Cojimar, the quiet Cuban fishing village about 10 miles east of Havana where Hemingway used to dock the Pilar. Smoking until the end, Fuentes is sad proof that tobacco kills."

- from an amusing compendium of the World's oldest smokers

Smintair

2006-10-16T02:14:00.000-07:00

German entrepenuer Alexander Schoppmann wants to start a new airline that will restore the ‘class’ in first class air travel, by, “offering Cuban cigars, caviar and flight attendants in designer uniforms - as well as smoking allowed in every seat.”

Schoppman, himself a pack and ½ a day smoker, hopes Smoker's International Airways, or Smintair, will be able to provide flights between Germany and Tokyo.

“It's all about service, and that includes helping people avoid long hours confined without a cigarette break during a long-haul flight. I've been an airline passenger for 50 years, it made me very angry that the gap between service and price became so big with regular airlines. Especially in the first class and business class, service is at its lowest point ever."

A Rummy Affair

2006-06-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

"I have never been in the West Indies, but I am in a position to state that in certain of the fundamentals of life they are streets ahead of our European civilization. The man behind the counter, as kindly a bloke as I ever wish to meet, seemed to guess our requirements the moment we hove into view. Scarcely had our elbows touched the wood before he was leaping to and fro, bringing down a new bottle with each leap. A planter, apparently , does not consider he has had a drink unless it contains at least seven ingredients, and I'm not saying, mind you, that he isn't right.

The man behind the bar told us the things were called Green Swizzles; and, if ever I marry and have a son, Green Swizzle Wooster is the name that will go down in the register, in memory of the day his father's life was saved at Wembley."

- from The Rummy Affair of Old Biffy, P. G. Wodehouse

Alas, the recipe for an authentic Green Swizzle (if there ever was such a drink) has been lost.

Queen's Park Swizzle

Combine in tall, 12 to 16 oz glass:

3 oz rum
juice of 1/2 lime, plus squeezed-out shell
6 to 8 mint leaves
1/2 oz simple syrup
3 dashes Angostura bitters

Pour in a cup of shaved or very finely cracked ice and swizzle

Lemon Hart Rum

At times swizzling is too much work.

Dark and Stormy

Combine in tall glass full of ice cubes:

2 oz dark rum
3 oz ginger beer
juice of 1/2 lime (optional)

Stir

Note: That's ginger beer, not ginger ale.

The Smoking Issue

2006-06-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Joe Jackson (yes, that Joe Jackson), comes to the defense of smoking in a passionate and intelligent essay:

"Two or three years ago I considered giving up my own moderate enjoyment of tobacco because of the constant barrage of horrific statistics. But antismoking propaganda in the USA (I was living mostly in New York) seemed so overblown, so hysterical, that I became skeptical. So instead of giving up smoking, I started doing research. At first my mind was pretty open; I half expected to find that smoking was even worse than I thought, and I decided that, since I wasn't a hardcore nicotine junkie, I could live without it. Instead, I've been astonished, again and again, by how flimsy much of the antismoking evidence really is. By now I'm absolutely convinced that the dangers of smoking (and ‘secondhand smoke' in particular) are being greatly exaggerated, for a number of reasons, many of which have less to do with health than with politics, money and fashion."

[more] - The Smoking Issue, An essay by Joe Jackson.

Cigarettes in Review: Part 3: American (cont.)

2005-03-31T00:29:00.000-08:00

American Spirit (Yellow): These feature all natural tobacco, which has made them popular with the alternative crowd as well as with the neo-hippies. They have a strong nicotine kick, but the flavor is harsh and has a blunt, charred taste. Also they have a poor draw. Vastly overrated. Really, don't smoke these.

Nat Sherman’s – Nat Sherman started as a tobacconist in New York in 1930. Nat Sherman all natural cigarettes are American classics, and the company history and tradition adds to the smoking experience . They come in elegant boxes and a variety of styles, and the cigarettes themselves are noticeably well constructed. And while I am hostile to light cigarettes it should be remarked that the various Nat Sherman lights are lighter not because they contain filler, but because of different filters and milder blends. (Note: many Nat Sherman styles are brown cigarettes and I have (for whatever reason) an aversion to smoking brown cigarettes, even though (oddly enough) I smoke cigars on occasion. Go figure.)

Nat Sherman Classics (King Size Filters): A powerful, good tasting cigarette. They burn slower since they lack additives. Their second hand smoke is more copious than other cigarettes, and I find that if I smoke them regularly I tire of them.

Nat Sherman Turkish Ovals: Not really a Turkish cigarette at all. Harsh. I don’t think they sell these anymore.

Nat Sherman Cigaretellos Non-Filter: Straightforward. A nice cigarette, in flavor not as nuanced as a Sweet Afton’s. Unfortunately these only come in brown, and I have (for whatever reason) an aversion to smoking brown cigarettes, even though (oddly enough) I smoke cigars on occasion. Go figure.

Nat Sherman Havana Ovals: An oval shaped non-filter that at one time used actual Havana tobacco. Strong cigar overtones (intentionally). Too odd for my taste, but maybe not too odd for you, since if you're reading this, you must be at least somewhat odd.

Nat Sherman MCD (filters): These are quite good, slightly less than normal gauge cigarettes, with a balanced, nutty flavor, easy draw, and more pleasant second hand smoke than most of the other Sherman’s. Unfortunately these only come in brown, and I have (for whatever reason) an aversion to smoking brown cigarettes, even though (oddly enough) I smoke cigars on occasion. Go figure.

Cigarettes in review: Part 2: Imported

2005-03-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

Dunhill (Red –International): Strong but smooth flavor, and have a considerable amount of nicotine. An excellent, top of the line smoke. Debonair. This used to be my regular brand. The ones in the attention getting international box are slightly longer than a king size. With taxes where I live they now cost $7.00 a pack, which is an outrage.

Sweet Afton’s (non-filter): I believe these are from Ireland though the name comes from a Robert Burns poem. Made of quality Virginia tobacco, this great tasting cigarette far less harsh than the typical non-filter cigarette. Outstanding. My only complaint is that the box they come in is flimsy.

Major Extra Size: These are also from Ireland I think (and manufactured by the people who make Sweet Afton’s). They are actually smaller than a king size. A nice, mild Virginia tobacco taste. They fall into the category of cigarettes I enjoyed, but for some reason was not inclined to smoke on a regular basis.

State Express 555 – These UK smokes have eye the most aesthetically pleasing packaging (in both Kings or International box) of any modern cigarette. They have a mild, agreeable flavor, and seem less smelly than many cigarettes.

Ducados: These strong Spanish cigarettes have an odd filter and provide a lot of nicotine. They taste cigar like to me. Stenchy and harsh.

Prince: Smooth flavor, kind of like a mild Marlboro without the burnt aftertaste, and a lot of nicotine. I expected more considering they are from Denmark, so therefore find them disapointing.

Export ‘A’ – Has anyone ever seen an Export ‘B’? A quality cigarette, I don’t find them strong enough or exceptional enough given their usual price.

John Player Specials: I think these Canadian cigarettes deliver more nicotine than any other filtered cigarette. Strong flavor has an acrid aftertaste that was never to my liking.

Rothman's: Taste kind of like a ragged Dunhill.

Turkish Special: These are made in Holland. Great real Turkish taste (although I only like real Turkish taste occasionally), these have a longer than normal filter that to me reduces the draw too much (unfortunately, as they are quite good). If you swithc to these everyone will notice your sweet new smell. Turkish Special non-filters are fantastic, but for some reason I don’t see them around anymore.

Gauloises (filter/non-filter): Better than Gitanes, I have never been a fan of these, despite their strength, perhaps because I associate them with poseurs. Smelly.

George Karelias: A tolerable Greek cigarette, for those who for some reason feel compelled to smoke Greek cigarettes. Overly vegetative flavor.

Shepherd's Hotel: German. Strange name, strange box, strange gauge, strange tangy flavor.

Cigarettes in review: Introduction; Part 1: American

2005-02-28T00:11:00.000-08:00

Introduction

‘Light’ cigarettes: Why are you smoking ‘lights’? Do you think they will only give you ‘light’ cancer?

Menthols: Why are you smoking menthols? If you smoke menthols you obviously are not interested in tobacco or smoking, so stop reading this now

Cloves: Why are you smoking cloves, are you a goth girl? Oh, you are? Never mind then.

'Generic' brands: Why are you smoking cigarettes that smell and taste like burning tires? If you are willing to risk disease from an activity, pay enough so that it is actually pleasurable enough to be worth doing.

Part 1: American

Marlboro Reds: I smoked these as a young lad. They provide a decent nicotine kick, and for a mass produced smoke have a middle of the road flavor with a harsh finish.

Marlboro 100’s: These are slightly smoother than Marlboro Reds. They are also longer, but not as longer as you might think, since part of the added length (and part of the added smoothness I suspect) stems from longer filters. I guess they are a slightly better smoking bargain. For some reason they seem less tough guy than Reds, so we mostly avoided them.

Camel Filters: I often smoked Camel Filters (box) without liking them much as they get sold in bars a lot. One day, after not smoking for nearly a month I purchased a soft pack of Camel Filters (it was on sale) and they tasted relatively great (isn’t this fascinating?), I realized (after years and years of smoking) that the box packs impart a cardboard flavor to the smokes they contain. Also, I’ve decided that the soft pack is slightly more badass than box. So now if I am smoking a domestic cigarette I smoke Camel Filters, soft pack.. A higher quality tobacco than Marlboro (though it says Turkish tobacco it is not really a Turkish style, which I will explain later), with a more complex and smoother flavor.

Camel Unfiltered: These short cigarettes are fun once and awhile. Frank Sinatra used to smoke them. Fewer people will want to mooch these off you compared to other cigarettes. While they are quite good compared to filtered mass produced cigarettes, they are inferior compared to the type of unfiltered smokes you can roll yourself, or imported unfiltered smokes like Sweet Aftons.

Camel Wides: I enjoy the larer diameter of these, but the tobacco in them is not as good as Camel regulars. They taste overly sweet and more chemical to me.

Kents: Everyone smokes these in John Cassevettes movies. I never smoked these regularly, and haven’t had one in years; I remember them having a slight plastic quality to their aftertaste.

Winstons: I would occasionally smoke Winstons during my Marlboro phase, for variety (I don't get it either). They weren’t bad, oddly I actually don’t like the new ‘improved’ natural Winstons that everyone claims are better at all, as they smell overly fragrant to me.

Parliament: These have those odd filters. Tolerable if someone gives me one, I see no reason to prefer them. I also don’t like cigarettes with white filters.

Lucky Strikes (unfiltered): Did you know when Lucky Strike’s were introduced they were a girl cigarette? Not as good as the similar sized Camel filterless, preferable to Kents, Winstons, and Parliments. Nice pack logo and slogan “It’s toasted!”.

Lucky Strikes (filtered): Not as good as Lucky Strikes unfiltered. Weak flavor.

Pall Mall (unfiltered): These unfiltered smokes are King Size, and have a large nicotine kick to them. They taste fairly good, but they are so overpowering and harsh on the throat that whenever I smoked them I would only do so for a week or two before switching back to Marlboros.

Old Gold Kings: Tom Waits used to smoke these. Actually not too bad a smoke, and they cost slightly less (or at least they used to) than the major brands.

Here and There

2004-12-09T20:50:00.000-08:00

It is dark and quiet. I like it dark and quiet, don’t you? There are only two other customers, a couple. They seem happy. At times the happiness of others can be opressive. I choose to sit at the bar's other end. The bartender nods and begins mixing my usual. I like the sound that ice makes as it is dropped into a glass, don’t you? When I finish one drink he will make me another without my asking. I check the time: two hours until I have to meet her, and tell her why. Not here, though. I have brought her to many bars, but never to this bar. I’ve never even told her of this bar. As far as she knows this bar doesn’t exist.

To the bartender here I don’t exist outside this bar: he knows my drink, but I have not ceded enough information of my real (or should I should say ‘other’?) life for him to form even a partial image of my actual existence. To him I materialize, consume, and dematerialize.

He puts the drink down in front of me and moves off. I wonder what he would say to her if they somehow met, two unknowing witnesses to the same ghost?

The punishment matches the guilt

2004-12-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

The time with her at Leblon beach, that's what the songs remind me of. All my memories of then have a glossy sheen - south of the equator sun reflecting off sand and tan skin, the scenes filtered through polarized lenses.

I turn the CD off, finish rolling and light a cigarette. I smoke it while looking out the window of my apartment at a view of a Circle K.

All In

2004-12-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

"You loved that watch," she said.

"I liked it, " I said, "It's just a watch."

We both knew I was lying.

"Why don't you have another drink?" I said, and I ordered one for her and one for me. She looked hurt. She had never seen me losing like this. I had never seen me losing like this. "I'll win it back tomorrow, plus some more. "

We both knew I wouldn't.

whispers

2004-12-04T15:32:00.000-08:00

"The Roman Empire is luxurious, but it is filled with misery. It is dying but it laughs." - Salvianus